How I rate films

I guess you could say I'm pretty anal about most things, but how I rate films really can turn into a little drama indeed. Basically (this is purely to give you some background on the ratings I will inevitably give to the films I talk about), I go for a very simple "something/10" rating, but it's what those numbers mean which is where it gets interesting. Basically-

1 = a film that is both artless and offended me on a personal level. So far, the only film I've seen that really did this was Sweet Sweetback's Baaadaaaassssss Song (or whatever), because it started with a scene of child pornography starring the director's own son and then only got worse. A truly nasty piece of work; probably the only film I've seen that's really worthy of a 1, although Switchblade Romance was pretty awful and homophobic in my opinion.

2 = a film that is just bad. The lowest score a film can get from me that doesn't offend me morally, personally, etc. Kill Bill vol. 1 got this from me, as it was both dull, ineptly made, and just... BAD. Any film that contents itself to show us a barrage of slaughter and call it a third act was never going to go down well from me. Probably because Tarantino is so talented as well, it would have got a 6, maybe even a 7 if it was a horror film from a lesser director.

3 = a film with some artistic merit but is still bad. Serbian Film got this from me. It was a well made film that was very powerful and had a real stunner of an ending, but it also contained scenes that I am never, ever going to put myself through ever again. Which is a shame. But also the point. Tangent; this generally applies to any bad film that isn't a "complete" wreck.

4 = generally inept film, not noteworthy for being anything other than just an all round turd. Naked Lunch fits into this category. Damn that movie sucked.

5 = somewhere in the middle, often a film that had potential and squandered it, or a film that was very good but had some things wrong with it; Ichi the Killer was a five- I adored the style and the way it was made, but I was put off somewhat by the bit with the kid getting decapitated (although in that case I think going back in prepared might make me change my mind, I was just sideswiped was all).

6 = not bad. Y'know, those films that are, well, not that bad really. Not great, but not bad at all, those ones you'd sit through again if you had to but probably would never of your own accord. 2010's "Devil" fit this category pretty well, not a bad film, but... Meh.

7 = a good film that didn't quite hit the potential I thought it had, or a technically competent film that didn't hit me on a personal level, or just a generally good film with nothing else to it. Oldboy was a pretty good case of this. It was good, in fact, it was very very very good, but on a personal level I wasn't there (although I'd happily watch that one again).

8 = a film that works. It has a general synthesis of good elements, such as acting, plot, theme, camerawork, music, etc. Films I'd happily return to again and greatly enjoyed; not always masterpieces, and doesn't have to be either. Just a good film. Planes Trains and Automobiles would fit this category pretty well. What a lovely movie.

9 = an amazing movie, one that holds up to repeat viewings, has a powerful message, or subtext, or generally the closest a film can get to meaning something to me without actually carrying that meaning, although these can still be personal favourites. Irreversible is a good 9, because whilst it didn't change the way I shape the world or anything, it was a beautiful, harsh film that had me hooked and made me think for some days afterwards, and has stayed with me since.

10 = the best of the best. These are the films that have changed my life in some way, fulfilled me, made me unreasonably happy, these are the films I would say I know personally (how sad is that). Films I'd be willing to defend, films I love, films where if you don't like them, it stands a good chance I won't like you (just kidding...)

Yeah. This is purely to provide some kind of grounding for my ratings. It's an arbitrary list, you'd be forgiven for not caring... But yeah. I hope it's been at least somewhat interesting to read. If you've made it this far, thank you for reading!

(as a side note, I know I mentioned films that have offended me or put me off a lot in this blog, but usually I'm a pretty hardcore guy; there's nothing I won't actually sit through on the grounds of extreme content, and those three I mentioned are probably the only films that have offended me; I've seen about a thousand, so those are fairly good odds)